The Life, And Peeing.

When I wake up, I always have to pee. But not just regular pee. It feels like Ive been holding it ALL night. I have to run to the toilet and go before my bladder blows up all over my rat cage, which sits in the bath tub. Which brings me to the rats. The second they see me, they jump up the the walls of the big cage and sqeak as loud as they can! Its so cute. But I dont get mushy gushy so, its not cute. Im their mother, and they are supposed to do that. This morning as light yellow liquid colapsed at the bottom of a clean white bowl, I thought about my rats. I have two. One [named Chubby] recently died. The other is named Shankiqua Jackson. She is black. They were born around the same time, so they were the same in size, and if Chubby wasnt in a box, 6 inches under ground, in my pet cemetary out back, I would have two giant rats. But since Chubby IS in a box, 6 inches under ground, in my pet cemetary out back, I only have ONE huge rat. The other one, who I just got a couple weeks ago, is named Bead. She is small and colored so light shes almost white...like a Cream colored PT Cruiser...just like that actually. Despite their size difference, they love and play with eachother all day. Anyways, back to my thought. So like I said, I was thinking about Shanikqua and how big she was. I just sat there [even when I was done peeing] and thought about when she was going to die. Death is such a vague subject, but my mind seems to always be filled to the brim with it. I thought about what she would look like wrapped in a tissue and placed into a box with all her favorite things...just like Chubby, and if she would just get bigger and bigger till her fur began to part and she'd just rip open, her beady little eyes filled with horror not knowing what was going on...Im so worried about her. How I got so connected to this rat, I do not know. But I am, and without Shanikqua Jackson, I am nothing.