Let's all take the generic depression test.

I'm depressed.

1. Frequent sadness - Yes. I got weepy watching a bird film recently.
2. Irritability - Yes. But I internalize it.
3. Low energy - YES. But it's probably the cancer too. I actually find it difficult to move at all.
4. Trouble sleeping - YES.
5. Fatigue - YES. If it weren't for my two-hour wild coffee rides (AKA being able to function at bullshit jobs that depress me to levels beyond what is normal, even for me), I'd probably never hold down any type of work. But it takes at least two cups of sludge to really get me anywhere near where I need to be. And then I eat stuff like salad for lunch and literally blow hot steaming rockets out my most likely IBS ass all afternoon. This causes me irritation. I also get these flourishes of anxiety/exhaustion. I'm not sure how else to describe it, but after these short-burst moments of panic and tensing of the shoulder muscles, my first instinct is to throw my exhausted ass face-first onto the nearest couch/bed object.
6. Significant weight loss or weight gain - Actually, no. But my face is becoming bloated- and haggard-looking at an alarming rate.
7. Feeling worthless or guilty for no reason - Yes. I'll choose to blame Catholicism.
8. Loss of interest in your favorite activities - N/A. After some self analysis, I've come to the conclusion that I've never really had "favorite" activities. I don't like ranking things.
9. People comment that you are acting agitated (wringing hands, pacing, etc.)- No. I internalize everything.
10. People comment that you seem “slowed down”
(softer/hesitant speech, moving or thinking more slowly)- No. However, I can't tell lengthy stories. I always forget where I am and get jumbled up. Most of the time I think this is because I'm too cognizant of the slightest reactions on the faces of the listeners.
11. Feeling isolated, not as involved with family and friends - Yes. But I've always liked prolonged periods of reflection and solitude.
12. Trouble concentrating - Yes.
13. Thoughts of death or suicide - Not suicide, I'm too scared of death. But I always think about my fear of death. I also have horrible flashes where I envision getting compound fractures in both my arms after trying to stop myself from face-planting onto concrete. I always think about my forearms being crushed. I bet, however I die, this will happen prior to/during the event. Wonderful last image to proceed an eternity of nothingness.
14. Do your symptoms affect your ability to be yourself or to function on a daily basis? - N/A. I hardly call what I do functioning.