I couldn't help but call the IRS and call them assholes.

So much for my "economic stimulus" check. AKA my "pay off some exorbitant medical bills" check.

I went to a tax adviser to do my taxes this year, and I ultimately wound up owing the government about $850, which I couldn't pay by Apr. 15.

"Ok, well," I said. "Can I be put on a payment plan and pay off $100 a month?"

"Sure," said my tax adviser. "The first payment will be directly debited from your checking account on May 10."

"Awesome," I said. "Will I still get an economic stimulus check?," I asked.

"Yep, every taxpayer will get at least $600," he assured me.

So, within a week I get the paperwork in the mail confirming the monthly debit. Then, weeks later, I get a statement saying a debit occurred on May 10. Then I get another statement dated 5/25/08 that says I owe $729.01 by June 16th. Then I get a statement dated 5/28/08 that reassures me that I actually owe $100 on June 10 (not ones for being paperless or clear about anything are they).

But, wait! There's more paper!

Then I get a nice little "understanding your economic stimulus payment" correspondence in the mail on June 2, assuring me that I qualify to receive $600 and that I will be receiving my payment within six weeks from June 6.

Then I get a statement in the mail today that says my account has been changed, and that they have used the $600 to pay down my account to $128.88. And now I owe that amount by June 30.

Are they havin' a laugh or wot!?

Nowhere on my nice little correspondence did it say that the check would be used to help pay off any debt to the government. A pretty important fact, right? Obviously this isn't a fact they advertise. I mean, why should they, it doesn't really affect anyone, right? It's only god damned motherfucking essentially $500 that I needed this month that I was expecting!! Twats.

I learned from this incident to: a) never underestimate the inefficiency of any governmental department; b) always read small print; and c) never ever ever ever expect any handout or feel that anything is ever going to go at all well.

So it turns out that payment condition number four in the initial correspondence mailed to me in April was "we will use any refunds to pay the amount you owe." I found this nowhere else and, after hearing from both a tax adviser and an official correspondence that I will be getting my check AND after setting up a fricking payment plan (what is the point of such a plan if it's rendered useless by this check?) I figured I would, you know, have an extra $500 this month.

So I called them, and after I was told by some bumbling fool on the phone that this couldn't be reversed and that I didn't have an option as to how I want to pay back the government, even though I enrolled in a payment plan, I calmly advised the guy to tell whomever he wants that this condition should've been more clearly advertised and that it should at least have been restated on the final correspondence. And that obviously I wasn't the only one who didn't know or assume this, as my tax adviser didn't know. I told him to do this so they (the IRS) doesn't continue to come off like the assholes they are. It was a PR tip of sorts.

Take that IRS!