My Dad's An Asshole.

My Dad decided to pay a spur of the moment visit a couple of days ago. He's the first family member to visit me since I moved to New York 6 years ago- which is one of the reasons I moved here in the first place. I see the guy about once a year, just to remind myself of the importance of constant vigilance in the ongoing battle between nature and nurture. So I meet the old man at the bus station and the first thing he says to me is "Geez, you're looking awfully middle aged." Not "Hi" or "How've ya been?" What a cocksucker. So I tell him he's looking like an obese version of the Crypt Keeper, but the Crypt Keeper certainly practices better oral hygiene. The ponytail in the back, bald on top look is due for a comeback any decade now, though.

Anyways, the first thing he wants to do, of course, is to "pay his respects at Ground Zero." Oy. So I take the sack of shit down there and his definition of paying respects involves asking some poor schmuck selling souvenir picture books of 9/11 if he was "proud of his buddies" who hijacked the planes. "Big buildings go BOOM! Praise Allah!" he says, holding his arms out and pretending to be an airplane. The street vendor schmuck looked vaguely Middle Eastern, though he could have been an innocent Mexican.

"Geez, I can't believe I'm here and I'm not more torn up. I have hundreds of videos of the towers coming down on my computer and I get choked up every time I watch them," he tells me as we're leaving.

"That's the problem with pornography of any kind," I explain to him. "If you're constantly jerking off over pictures of the way you fantasize things to be, you run the risk of making reality seem less interesting in comparison."

I had told myself that no matter what, I would not discuss electoral politics with this man. He's a lost cause and the fact that he's in Massachusetts means that he can vote out of hatred and masochistic insanity for whatever candidate he wants and his voice will most likely be drowned out by a majority of "liberal elitists." But he broached the subject, innocently enough, asking if I had seen the Palin interview. Things escalated pretty quickly from there.

Basically we spent a couple of hours with him supporting the McCain/Palin platform of more war, less taxes. Which would be pretty fucking funny coming from a dude who's so fucking incapable of taking care of himself that he's practically a ward of the state at age 60... if it wasn't so fucking infuriating. I told him that I wasn't too comfortable with the idea of starting or escalating World War III, especially when the first die was cast in error; and expressed my fear that engaging Iran would inevitably lead to using tactical nukes-- which sets a bad precedent to say the least; and the fact that it would just fucking backfire and that's all there fucking is to it. But he doesn't back down, bless his soft, empty skull. On the subject of the likelihood of nuclear armageddon, his theory is that "Man is not in control of how long the human race should survive." Fuck.

I bring this little episode up to remind anybody who might be insulated from hateful, Christian kooks, that they do in fact believe that End Times nonsense and all that bullshit about wanting to get the Jews to Israel so they can be converted to Christianity when Jesus 2 comes back to kill everybody. Of course, the lord works in mysterious ways and will probably choose to kill everybody with nukes, you know, just to prove some kind of point in that passive aggressive New Testamenty way of his. What a guy.

My father is the product of "faith based initiatives." The Salvation Army "saved" him. Personally, that's enough of a reason for me to be offended by the policies of the Republican party. The world would be a safer place if he were still harmlessly smoking crack in the gutter.

The End.