Seitan's blog

I know this is a blog parody thread and will probably stay on top for far too long, but so what.

I am sorry to pre-empt Ms. Anne Elizabeth Moore's blog entry in this spot, but I just wanted to say that I will not be able to attend tonight's talk at Red Emma's. Therefore, I am not just a jerk but a BIG jerk. Which most of you already knew anyway.

I am sorry, Ms. Moore--assuming, of course, that you indeed would welcome local representation from these very forums.

And this, so soon after your apparently disappointing engagement in the City of Brotherly Love...

Trusting that you will find your sojourn in Charm City hospitable nonetheless,
I remain,
Sincerely,
Todd (a/k/a Seitan)

OK, I'm starting this blog a few days after the original inspiration, so I have to backdate it a bit.

These are from Thursday:

• Dead cat that I thought was a raccoon before I got close enough to see that it was a cat


• A guy getting his boat--the "Coronation II"--towed away (the trailer had a flat)


• A discarded book lying in the middle of the sidewalk, entitled "What You Need to Know About Sexual Compulsion"

I am kind of sad that there is no way to make our blogs all fancy and stuff. Plus, a blog entry is really a kind of glorified post that doesn't have to compete as much for top billing. But then it just kind of fades away.

The whole thing is making me too goddamn sad.

Yes, folks, it's true. I'm starting a pizza blog as well.

Now, you might think your old pal has always loved the cheesy pie, and you'd be right. Oh, how I crave it!

While certainly not my first encounter with the Snack of the Gods, I remember one particularly formative experience...

As a youngster, I was allergic to shellfish--a severe detriment here in Maryland, where the crustacean is king. Family gatherings would often feature steamed crabs, and I could not partake, and that made your pre-vegetarian buddy a little sad. Fortunately, I would get treated to an alternative meal instead. Once, when I was a wee lad of but 5, there was a crab feast at my aunt and uncle's house. My mom ordered me a large cheese pizza from Village Sub all for myself...and I ate nearly the whole blasted thing. I think I was just trying to prove a point--I'll show those crab eaters!--but I kept it down. I was hooked, but oh! what tummy pain!

Hi everyone! And welcome to my Kool-Aid® Blog.

Well, it's probably best to begin at the beginning. Now, you might think your old buddy grew up in a house just burstin' with those tantalizin' packets of powdered gold, but you'd be wrong.

As a child, I was always aware of Kool-Aid®, but seldom got to drink Kool-Aid® proper. I don't know whether it was because it was overpriced or you had to add sugar or what. You know how it is when you're a kid...for the most part, your parents pick what you get to eat and drink, and you more or less go along with it.

Yep. I'm starting one.

Only I have to finish up a huge canister of 4C White Tea Blueberry drink mix that I bought. I only bought it for the antioxidants. It doesn't taste as good as I thought it would.

Leastways, that's what I 'spect.

Out of sight, out of mind, I reckon I always say.

Knock it off with the pee blog, Greg, or I swear I'll do it! I MEAN IT!

Dearest Blog,

Hi! How are you? Fine, I hope. Sorry I haven't been blogging lately. I've been busy doing other stuff. But I am all excited for Halloween and everything. I've been trying to read some scary stories, listen to scary sounds and stuff, you know, to get in the mood. I heard there is like pumpkin AIDS or something that is killing all the pumpkins, and I think that's really sad. Something must be done or the whole holiday will be ruined.

Well, blog, I've got to make some spaghetti or something now. Or maybe multi-colored rotini! Mmmm.

Best,
Todd