Dear The Internet,
I appreciate your seemingly growing alarm about my weight problem, as evidenced by the daily flurry of emails I receive on the subject which make such promises as "You'll love the new, non-obese you," "Say goodbye to extra pounds," "Melt away fat easily," "Check out the wonders of pound melting," "Pounds down, mood up," "Shed weight now and enjoy the process," "This will help to eat less and have more fun," and "End the annoying obesity now."
Unfortunately, while provocative and probably very useful to some people, these enticements do not actually interest me in any way. Because, you see, I do not actually have—nor do I percieve myself to have—a weight problem.
